Baked Blueberry Oatmeal

Emily and I fell asleep on the couch together last night.
And woke up in her bed together this morning.
It was one of those mornings you have to pry yourself out of bed because the little furball next to you is so stinking cute, She's hanging on to your arm so tightly and you become so overcome with happiness, but also sadness because you realize that soon she will be too old and "cool" to have you sleep in her bed.

And then she yells at you for taking up too much space and [poof] there goes the moment.

So up and out I went.
To a kitchen full of last night's dishes that whipped up one of the best dinners in a while.

Armed with a plastic bowl and a Pyrex dish, praying the dishes will disappear as soon as we leave for gymnastics, breakfast was on its way.





This recipe was taken from here.
This blog is unreal. I use it consistently and love everything that comes out of it.





I actually didn't alter it, which is something I am notorious for.
It was pretty delicious when its served hot with some extra milk poured on top. And it's healthy! Now go chow down.

To have a job...

Kate Spade needs to stop.
I ended up on their email list, and now every day I get a reminder of all the awesome, colorful, happy things they make that I cannot afford.

Every day of I dream of things I'll be able to do when I have a job and am no longer a starving graduate student.

Kate Spade by happyispretty featuring a bow dress

This was my first attempt at Polyvore.
How'd I do?

Look at that model. She's drooling for a cheeseburger.

I just couldn't be more excited for spring. I was never a summer gal but I can't wait for COLOR and flowers and SUNSHINEE. Bring it on.
I clearly need some blog'spiration.

On a b.r.i.g.h.t. note - I ran outside for the first time today in soo long, since the summer probably. After reading this post, I reflected. Took hold of my personal judgments and faced them head on. I enjoy running - but I think I suck at it! I don't go far - I think I max at like 4 miles. And some of that is definitely stopping to walk. But who cares? Who cares if I go slower than Emily crawling to bed? I'm doing it for me, and my goal this spring is to just keep going.

So my mission this blustery morning, armed with a new playlist, was to run and not keep track of time, speed or distance. And you know what?

I was slow. so stinking slow.
but it was WONDERFUL.

Photo A Day

I decided [two days late] to link up with the Fat Mum Slim photo a day challenge. I figured this will help me learn more about the different photo apps and programs I recently started using. Plus it's a great way to hold me accountable to taking pics.

I need some self-discipline.

Here's the list for February...



source

Start taking bets for how long I last...

Red, yellow, blue, green please!

I love color.
I tried to get into that whole neutral whimsical thing, but it just isn't me.

I spent all winter searching for the perfect red cardigan.
FAIL.

Then, one beautiful day, I was stumbling through Nat the Fat Rat and I fell in love. Yes, with emerald green denim.




j crew



I want every pair.




target



I settled with red and green. Apparently I can't seem to forget about Christmas. Make me some rainbow cake to eat while I wear my rainbow jeans please!




urban outfitters



So here are three easy options. One for every budget. Clearly I could only afford Target at this lowly point in my financial life. How can you say no to a 20$ pair of stretchy denim that, once its on, it looks just like the 80$ pair? However, the dye in the J Crew ones is obviously a much better quality. Maybe I'll splurge on some coral ones, because that color seems to keep coming back every year.

What do you think about this new trend?
It's a little daring, but if you love color, there are tons of way to make this style super cute.


Now someone find me that cardigan...

Soaking in the Sun

Yes. It is true.

I spent two days outside. [oh ya, and I started running again. gotta burn off that "freshman fifteen". you can absolutely justify it as the FF post-graduation].



At the end of January.



Oh Lordy, I love spring-like weather.

It's been awfully tense in the Silva household.

Emily's mood swings are almost unbearable. And she's been getting in trouble in school. She is very in need of some running and screaming time.




I am certainly going to miss Columbia when April's over. It makes me kinda teary.



What a great couple of days.

"It makes me feel sad"

Today I received a call that sunk deep into the pit of my stomach. Emily got into two fights at school with her best friend. She jumped on top of the other girl, pulling and pinching her arm. It was the strangest emotion. I was angry, disappointed, but then I was really upset. Because this isn't typical behavior; she's never done this.

I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't run into the girl's mother. I know.. shame on me.. not wanting to confront the issue.

But then I talke to Emily. We made a "safe space" in the living room i.e. an island complete with palm trees and coconuts (a blanket and brown lamp and ball). And Emily was so sincere and honest I was so proud of her while being so upset about her behavior. Talk about dialectics...

Emily told me what her friendship with the other girl was like, then sadly said "She's not my friend anymore". And I realized, Emily was already punishing herself.

Then she talked about school and how her friend is going to a different school for kindergarten. I explained to Em how she will be going to a new school too. Well, she didn't care for that, and got so emotional about not wanting new friends and a new school. It was the most mature conversation I had with this munchkin. She was scared of losing her friend, and scared of starting somewhere else.

And I really think she knows her behavior was wrong. But the thing that absolutely breaks my heart is knowing how vulnerable, scared, and sad she is inside. This was my first lesson in "hurting" for my child. And I've learned I'll never know the right answers, but I hope she will always be honest with me even when she's wrong.

And then it hit me. Emily is becoming her own, independent person. She explores and struggles, experiments and doesn't want my help. And good for her.

God I love that monster.

Transformations.. and cupcakes

The past few months were exhausting. I've always had this problem of wanting to start a million things, sometimes get them going, then all too often, stop midway. Why would I want to start an Etsy shop mis-semester while taking 20 credits, raising a toddler, and commuting hours away from home? Oh I know. Because It sounded like a great idea for 20 minutes.

Hypomania anyone?

I had to take some time, step back, and be totally honest with myself.


I want to do it all, yet I can't do it all. But I can still try. Because in the "trying" is where you find your passions.

And honestly? I like making accessories and pretty, ruffly things here and there. But I don't love it. Not even close. I don't think I can devote myself to something that I'm not head-over-heels for.
No wonder I changed my major 3 times.


But I love cooking, like that deep in the pit of my stomach, when I'm having a bad day I take it out in the kitchen, kind of love. I've always loved it. I've always loved sharing ideas, recipes, and meals with other people. But I was used to it - this whole "accessory making" sewing-blog thing was a challenge. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Then when I silently admitted I couldn't, rather didn't want to do it, I avoided everything else. I avoided this blog, I avoided my sewing machine after getting irritated at the bobbin and throwing it clear across the room (still have not found it btw).

I avoid doing things to avoid admitting defeat.

luckly you can never lose at fried dough
Was I overscheduled? Yes. Was I putting too much pressure on myself to uphold this idea of perfect balance between domesticity and my career? Certainly. Did I want to be like all the amazing mama-indie biz-christian bloggers I follow? Duuh.

But I'm not perfectly balanced and at the end of the day I just want to be me. Yes, all these incredible women inspire me and force me to brutally confront myself. I'm grateful for that. And they've had their own struggles.

So on my exploration to find me, the real me, I thought, what should I do with this blog? I have a mere following, maybe getting a few extra hits after I post to a linky party. But I know I want to do this.


My platform was there all along. I just wasn't looking. I cook, I bake, and I goof around with my daughter and irritate Mike. That's me, that's who I am and that's what my blog will be. Does the world need another food blog? probably not. But why not? After all this blog is simply my online journal at this point. It isn't a business; it's a place for me to share what I love and what inspires me with all who wants to see and read it.