Friday, January 27, 2012

"It makes me feel sad"

Today I received a call that sunk deep into the pit of my stomach. Emily got into two fights at school with her best friend. She jumped on top of the other girl, pulling and pinching her arm. It was the strangest emotion. I was angry, disappointed, but then I was really upset. Because this isn't typical behavior; she's never done this.

I prayed and prayed that I wouldn't run into the girl's mother. I know.. shame on me.. not wanting to confront the issue.

But then I talke to Emily. We made a "safe space" in the living room i.e. an island complete with palm trees and coconuts (a blanket and brown lamp and ball). And Emily was so sincere and honest I was so proud of her while being so upset about her behavior. Talk about dialectics...

Emily told me what her friendship with the other girl was like, then sadly said "She's not my friend anymore". And I realized, Emily was already punishing herself.

Then she talked about school and how her friend is going to a different school for kindergarten. I explained to Em how she will be going to a new school too. Well, she didn't care for that, and got so emotional about not wanting new friends and a new school. It was the most mature conversation I had with this munchkin. She was scared of losing her friend, and scared of starting somewhere else.

And I really think she knows her behavior was wrong. But the thing that absolutely breaks my heart is knowing how vulnerable, scared, and sad she is inside. This was my first lesson in "hurting" for my child. And I've learned I'll never know the right answers, but I hope she will always be honest with me even when she's wrong.

And then it hit me. Emily is becoming her own, independent person. She explores and struggles, experiments and doesn't want my help. And good for her.

God I love that monster.

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